Steps

I had set out to change my body, from within, not anticipating the changes that would occur on the outside. I had an aim--to eat whole, clean foods, nothing less than this. I lost weight and not just of the physical kind. I started to shed heavy thoughts as well. My skin began to glow, the shape of my face and body became more refined, my hands appeared surreal to me. I felt as though layers of myself were being discarded to reveal a newer me, the real me. In this change, I began to see myself in a different light. I could see possibilities where there were none before. I could see where I had placed self-limitations. I could see where I had made agreements with myself that did not serve me but only proved to keep me bound, distracted, and oppressed. Yes, all this from food.

I'm not afraid of the mirror anymore. That's when I knew something was happening to me. Sometimes when I comb my hair and my eyes meet with the reflection, I take a sudden step back because well, because of a ...spark? How cliche is that? A sparkle of the eye shines through and I'm taken aback...I've never noticed that light before. That light was trapped, hidden behind layers of fear and doubt. I began to attract certain blessings into my life--abundance, hope, love, faith, happiness, inner peace. It's really all rather endless and infinite.

Emphasis on food has been a blessing and a curse. I started to adopt the view that if I deviated from my regimen, I would lose everything I had achieved. I had to learn the hard way that this just isn't so. Sometimes you have to let go, not by reverting to old ways or one's former self, but by coming to the understanding that a lifestyle change is exactly what it implies--a lifestyle change. When you adopt a certain way of life, the changes one experiences simply won't allow one to revert to ways that had initially brought one pain and discomfort. But one does need to come from a place of non-attachment. In other words, I can allow certain indiscretions here and there, and from time to time because overall, I'm pretty happy with my daily choices and the results I've been able to achieve and verify.

I like my shapes and curves. I feel grounded in my body. I had always wanted to belong and today, I'm everywhere and in everything. It doesn't matter what anyone thinks. I'm alive. I'm growing and reaching for the stars. I deserve that. We deserve that, you and me.