In My Heart, Only...

I'm tired of this guilt. I'm tired of this shame. I want to overcome these negative emotions by allowing them to serve me, by looking at them straight in the face and recognizing them for what they are...not my enemies, but my friends, my teachers...so that I can release and let them go, once and for all.

I am guilty.
In my heart, only.
There, I have sinned.
A thousand times, I have betrayed.

Will I be forgiven?

Why am I asking to be redeemed and for what, exactly?

For loving?

How is Love a sin?

I loved without action.
My love was never a verb.
I loved without betrayal.
I know my place, my lot.
My love was contained.
It was repressed.
It was expressionless.
It was punished.
It was suffocated.

For breathing?

It wasn't even my love.
It didn't belong to me at all.
It came from above and moved below.

How can I be guilty of anything?

I just loved.
I loved a limitless love.
But, I didn't love a limitless love. Did I?
I got in the way.
And I had to.
Because it was the right thing to do.
Because I am honorable.

I was just a vessel.
I was guilty for loving?
How can guilt and love exist simultaneously?
One belongs to the ego, the other, to essence.

In the world of the material,
Love is reduced to shame
because here,
I am Grace,
I am woman.
I am not "I."

Here, I belong to an other.
Here, I am sinner.
Here, I am whore.
Because I loved?
Because my eye wandered, foolishly?
Because I was caught off guard?
Because I was attracted to what I thought was light?

Love is not quantitative.
It is not linear.
It is fluid.
It cannot be measured.
How can fluid be contained when there aren't any barriers?

May I ask for forgiveness,
NOT for having loved,
but for feeling guilt when there was no need to.