Tiny Fragments

I thought I mattered a little bit...

Surprise. Surprise.

I lay here listening to 80's music. Nostalgia is having its way with me. No time like the past. I remember walking down the corridor and smelling the Spring air. It still smells like that except it's Winter, now. How cruel, the way our minds play tricks on us...unless, you like Winter?

It's almost dark. I take off my clothes and head for the bathroom. It's time to slip into the tub. I wait for the water to fill, first. I pour some salts and a few drops of rose oil. I keep the lights down low and light a couple of candles. I slide into the tub. I sigh. I'm free.

Even when bad is really bad, it's okay. The water is my refuge. Water saves me every single time. It doesn't matter what's going on outside. It doesn't matter what's going on inside. Here, right here, all is as it should be. All is well. I am free.

I take a sponge and dip it into the water. I pour the excess over myself. Sensuality is my best friend. You can't imagine the power I feel when I connect to it. My Imagination becomes alive. I see things I've never seen before. I hear in a way I've never heard before, too. Each scent is vibrant. I don't need a bucket list to go where I already am...I just have to close my eyes and 'poof', where ever my mind goes, there I go...

I gently wipe my body down with some oil. I'm learning to love myself an inch at a time. I need to stop comparing myself to those flawless bodies depicted on the air. None of that is real, anyway. It's just the Magician playing tricks on me. On you. On us. I spend time with myself. I enjoy my own company. I care for each part of me. I must come first. If I don't put myself there, no one else will or can...

This is a kind of intimacy most people will never experience. In this space, I am in touch with every cell of my being. I know what my heart is feeling. I see what my mind is thinking. I understand the function of my body and yet, I am none of these things. I am more. So much more.

I wiggle my toes for a few seconds. I place my right hand over my chest and my left hand over my belly. I slowly lift my legs and rest my knees to the side - left foot over the right. I thank the gods for my gifts. Whether they can hear me or not, I do my part, no matter.

Let it snow. Let it snow. Let it snow. The contrast it's able to reflect back is astounding. It's just the cold. It's only the cold. Keeps the heart and blood warm...here, in the water...this water that IS my life.