Blessings In Disguise

It's so easy to offend someone. No. No. People are easily offended. That's exactly right. My fault is this incessant desire to be normal, to please, to play the game. But, you don't have to play games with the people you love and trust. No. No. You don't have to play games with the people who truly love and trust you. 

You're free to be exactly who you are. You don't feel a wall going up. Because this wall subconsciously goes up when you're not entirely comfortable. You can tell yourself you'll try harder, harder to be...comfortable. How stupid is that? Why not trust and observe that this wall going up is what needs to happen for you to realize some folks are not good for you?

I'm rattled when I open the door to certain family members. For years, I do fine. Then they reach out and I'm sucked right back to a time I do not miss or have any kind of nostalgia for. It doesn't matter that twenty years have passed. They are not 'my' people. I experience the same feelings of isolation and rejection as I did before. It dawns on me like a ton of bricks over the head that I do not need them. It's not that I don't belong. It's that they do not belong with me.

"Oh yesterday came suddenly..." I long for yesterday, too, but not in the way you might think. There's nothing I would change except for one thing. If I could go back to my younger self, I'd tell her to keep her head up high. To let people be. Let them talk. And to never ever throw her pearls before swine. 

While I've always gotten along with everyone, it never meant I wanted to walk their path. I'm a lone wolf. It can get lonely but I wouldn't want it any other way. Inviting certain people into your life just because they're blood, is not a good reason to keep them there. Drama follows some people as though their lives depended on it. This drama, inadvertently, becomes my plague. I can't have that. It's poison to my inner sanctity. So, stay away! And lucky for me, it doesn't take much to keep these little rascals at bay, either. I thank my angels for these little blessings in disguise.