In His Name

I see you among the birds and the trees.

Or standing by a wall drawing closer to someone who’s taken a handful of pills.

Sometimes, I see you hovering over addicts. You wait for them to look up knowing it could be the last time they look down, for good.

I see you in temples and synagogues.

And, communing with Buddha by the steps of a cathedral.

You’re never with the rich unless they’re rich of heart.

You’re not the man in their posters, the man they dress up to look like them.

You’re the man standing next to the woman deciding whether to abort. She looks up and that pleases you, while she brings her hands close together in humility.

Who is the man they think is on their side?

I tell them in my nightmares, “It’s not Him. That is not Him.”

It’s cold where they stand. 

It’s dark where they congregate. Even when the sun is shining bright.

I wonder often how your light is not able to penetrate the hearts of man.

You’re here with me as I write this.

You’re with my sick husband.

You’re with every trans person who struggles with injustice.

You’re with the beggars, the liars and the cheats. Because there’s a chance. There’s a chance they can turn their lives around.

And with the poorest of the poor, because they haven't forgotten they can always look up to find you right there.

You’re not with the hardened men and women who spew judgement and especially with those who do it in your name. You lay your hands instead over those who are powerless so that they may rise above the brutes of this world.

You tell them to turn the other cheek but to carry a sword in one hand. To be sweet and kind like sheep but to be fierce and bold like wolves. Because these are strange and difficult times and the world is upside down and people more than ever still do not know what they do. 

You tell them to leave forgiveness to you. You understand it’s impossible to forgive evil...in your name.

I see you on a winged horse coming down from stormy clouds.

I hear the words about love and neighbours. I wonder how people decided you meant that we only love the people we ‘like’.

You’re with a childless woman like me and not a pig like that man who spews filth about women like me...in your name.

You’re with a childless woman like me and not a pig like that man who defiles women like me...in your name.

You’re with a childless woman like me, like me, who whispers to pigs like them, “You’ll be sorry someday.”

You were with me when I drew my first picture.

You were with me when I witnessed how cruel children could be.

You were with me when I struggled with being human. You know I still struggle and here you are illuminating my mind because my heart is heavy.

How do you tolerate what people do in your name against those who just want to love and live a life on their own terms without the oppression of evildoers? How?

You remind me, “That’s not I over there, standing in a crowd of hatred and righteousness.” 

You remind me, “I’m here with you when tears roll down your face. I love you for helping me carry this cross for you are one of the peace-keepers of this world.”

He continues, “Not all will have the eyes to see and the ears to hear. And those who do shall feel burdened but let them not fret for I am with them.”

He knows I’m a sinner too and not quite so pure of heart.

He knows I secretly relish in the thought of their comeuppance. I imagine what their fall will look like right after their pride.

I imagine people dragging their bodies into the streets and spitting in their faces.

I imagine people throwing stones after they’re dead. Not while they’re alive. For that would make me a hypocrite. But, surely there are crimes and deeds worse than others?! Like the ones they commit in His name!

But, even I digress.

He insists, “You’re all brothers and sisters who've forgotten why you’re here. It is my eternal mission to remind you.”

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