She's aware he doesn't feel all that much...for her. What does it matter what the reader said? What does it matter when you don't know for sure what someone thinks or feels? Unless they communicate it directly to you, none of it exists.
He talks a lot about what a great man he is or how he'd been with many women in the past, like being a player was an accomplishment. She lifted her brow and then swallowed hard. She realized in that moment, he was living out some fantasy, like he was still a bachelor.
If they were both single and free to do what they wanted, she wouldn't have chosen him, after all. He's not her type. Never was. And, could never be.
She'd only ever been with one man. The idea she could become just another notch on his belt, gave her a sinking feeling. Nothing like the pierce of disillusionment to wake you up...
Surely, if he had genuine feelings for her, she'd know it. There'd be no wondering or guessing or speculating. The truth is, he uses her to feel good about himself. He never really asks her about her, which leaves her feeling spent. Like, she's just a sounding board for him.
It stings to know he feels nothing. She tells herself she's flattered he enjoys spending some time with her but then realizes it's just scraps he's giving. If he sees her out of context, she becomes a nobody again. Well, the nobody she always was but definitely, made clear if she ever thought otherwise.
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