Friday, September 27, 2024

Aloneness And Loneliness

What a breath of fresh air to carve out time for one's self, to spend alone, in nature or at a cafe, sitting by other people or not. The peace and tranquility that comes from allowing yourself to be bathed in that kind of feeling, and while music is playing ? Oh my, the whole world is right here in the palm of my hand.

That must be the difference between loneliness and aloneness. Aloneness can be a choice you make or something forced upon you, which might end up feeling like loneliness. I choose these moments. It's an inherent part of who I am. It's in my essence. Personality, on the other hand, makes it so that you think it's a lonely place to be. But, ego will always justify its own existence. It can't tolerate to be alone with itself. It concocts all manners of insecurity and self-deprecation. It doesn't want you to feel your own power without it. That's how FOMO sets in. It's a lie though. It's the big deceiver. 

In my aloneness, the entire universe fits within my mind's eye. We're one. There is no separation, no duality, no wanting. It's perfect. Yes, it's perfect. Here, I'm connected to everyone. The function of loneliness is to create despair. It's a downward spiral because its magnetic pull is strong. You end up believing what your mind is telling you - that you need this or that thing. That you're dumb if you don't do what others say. That you're a failure for not being what others want you to be. That you need to do this or that to be someone, to be loved, to matter.

Your ego tells lies. That can be its ultimate purpose sometimes. It doesn't want to be annihilated. Truth is, our ego can serve us only if we're aware of the dynamics at play. Otherwise, you're nothing but a slave to it. And we think we're free? No no. 

I'm the high priestess who whispers spells in the air that are carried by the wind to a place outside of what is seen. There, is right here. How can anyone feel lonely once you experience this profound beauty and love in the heart? Our heart is a gateway to the eternal. It's the only way out of the noise, distraction, illusion and deception. 

The only way...



Wednesday, September 25, 2024

Eternal Value

I need to surround myself with the right people. Yes, there are 'right' people for you and I. They do not include people who are only concerned and identified with how much money they earn per year. I don't know what it is, though I suppose it must be because I'm getting older and dare I say, wiser? We all know - or rather, some of us intimately experience - how happiness and wisdom don't go together. Sorrow and wisdom are companions. They always have been. 

I think of Gurdjieff and the 'terror of the situation' or the idea of 'sitting between two stools'. I see now. I see. It isn't pretty. When you've spent your whole life being told that life is one way when you can feel it in your being that it's actually something else entirely. Whoa! What a mind fu*k it is. Now I know what Jesus meant when he said to "leave your mother and father and follow me." 

Just because you're raised Catholic, just because you call yourself one doesn't make you a follower of the man. It makes you a follower of the Church. Jesus lived among the poor. Jesus lived in dirt. Those people who adorn their dwellings with gold or sell their goods in 'temples' are all fools. Fools right down to the core. There is no Jesus there. There can't be. It's antithetical.

What will be left of me when my body is discarded? Certainly, all the goods I've ever acquired on this earth will mean absolutely nothing. Do people get that? Do people really think we were put here to 'make money'? If my body returns to dust and my cup was filled with nothing but material things, what of me will be left to 'enter the next world'? Some of us call it heaven. Some of us don't believe in either a heaven or hell. But you see, it matters. It matters here what you think. It matters how those thoughts function in an upside down world. You take with you - whatever this 'you' is - all that was built in the invisible world. If you built nothing, then there's no substance from which to work. You'll be incinerated in the flame instead of being purified by it.

I see now how mediums connect with the dead. They connect with them alright, but they're 'dead'. It's dead matter. It's just the shell or fragments left behind of what once was alive. But, it's not them. They're reading the energy left behind, like a hologram in the air. The person who was is no longer here but beyond space and time - outside of time. Can you fathom that? What that means to be and exist outside of time?

We're too dense. We've forgotten ourselves. We let ourselves be distracted by illusion. We favour all that's material over the materialization of soul, which should be the aim, the only aim, the material world in service to this aim. We've made the material the aim and this is dangerous because we cannot, under such circumstances, attain freedom. 

It makes for a lonely path. Your ego will concoct every which way to get you off this path and back to the illusion that is all around. It will tell you you're being irrational. It will tell you how you need to belong, how no one will understand you, how you're stupid and childish.

You will have to rise above that which will ultimately die. The ego doesn't want to die. But, it has to. Before your body perishes. Only then will we have a chance to build something of value. Of eternal value...


Saturday, September 14, 2024

Dust

People who have no family envy those who have large ones. And those with large ones, like me, prefer peace and quiet...and more one on one interactions or very small and intimate gatherings.

I scratch my head when people get a taste of their own medicine and can't tolerate it. Oh, I understand the taste is bad. And that would be the point. It's always the same old story. They have no problem dishing it out - being thoughtless, selfish and uncaring. But then you decide to protect yourself, to put yourself first like they manage to do everytime, and you're the bad guy for not allowing them to walk all over you?! No thank you.

Finally, I'm behaving and reacting the way I ought to. I'm letting people be. Let them. Be. That's the beauty about being a lone wolf. You understand who you want to spend your precious time with. You understand who wants to spend their precious time with you, too. And, I'm learning and seeing that it isn't a whole lot of people. Vice Versa.

I want to talk about existence, the moon and the stars. I want to talk about meaningful things - how a painting or song can move the soul. I want to discuss the nature of the world, who came before us, how this story ends for all of us. I want this soul that is me, to flourish, my intuition, to become sharp. I want the core of me to be strong, to know that 'there' IS the only home there is, while I'm here on earth.

I don't care about your house or pool or how you can retire tomorrow. I don't want to hear about your savings or how so and so, didn't figure it out, how he's a schlub for being a drinker or for having fu*ked up children, as a result. I don't want to hear from anyone who only opens their mouths when they have something negative to say about somebody else. I don't care for their useless judgment. I don't care for their  pettiness or bloody shallowness that aims to keep us all tied to this earth, as though this is all there is. 

Oh, let me be clear. That would be all there is for folks like these. That will not be me. I refuse. The eternal resides within, not out there. May my kindred brothers and sisters find each other in this dark world. May we do from what we see. May we do from what we hear. May we not become dust. 


Saturday, September 7, 2024

The Lighthouse

I'm here, again. Winter is coming. I lay my hands over my satin robe, open the large wooden shutters and take a peak outside. I see the tops of trees as far as my eye can see. The lot below surrounding my home is large. I feel it's too big. I think I'd feel more secure in a smaller space. Though there are more places to hide, the massiveness of this current dwelling attracts too much attention.

I feel a gust of wind...then wonder who else is around. I remember. I remember. I'm here, alone...again. Why I insist on a large place like this, is intriguing to me. So many rooms, beds, fireplaces, rugs, windows, stones...walls. I sense magic everywhere. I feel encouraged, inspired, motivated. Motivated to do what, though? I'm not quite sure.

I stare above the horizon. I wait for dark. I wait for rain. I wait for strong winds. I wait for storm. I imagine a lighthouse in my mind's eye. I'm always longing for something other than what is...right here in front of me. I can't help it. Here, I can use whatever colours I please, whatever medium, in whatever style. Who's going to tell me it can't be done?

Magic is here. I sigh and close the shutters. I head for the door and walk down the corridor...a long hall way where flames burn on either side. Soon, I feel a sense of warmth. Right now, in this moment, I only feel cold. But soon, really soon, the light and dark will coexist as though they had always been friends. Then, my heart will soar.